


(you will always be holding) my heart in your hand

by carrieevew



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Birthday Party, F/M, Fluff, Fluff without Plot, Gen, Moonshine, The 100 (TV) Season 1, The Dropship Days, lots and lots of moonshine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:35:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27307819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carrieevew/pseuds/carrieevew
Summary: the delinquents throw Clarke an 18th birthday party.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Clarke Griffin & Raven Reyes
Comments: 18
Kudos: 114





	(you will always be holding) my heart in your hand

**Author's Note:**

> don't we all need a little fluff?
> 
> title from _[Hope Of Deliverance](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=khcYhybgpY0)_ by Paul McCartney
> 
> enjoy!

“You have the list?” Clarke asked, entering the comms room, as Raven liked to call it. Frankly, it was nothing more than a crooked shed, filled with all of the useful equipment they managed to yank out of the Dropship, before they converted it into living quarters for their first winter on the ground.

Nonetheless, it was Raven’s little kingdom and she claimed naming rights, hence—the comms room, where all old-world electronic devices went to be disembowelled and rebuilt into whatever the delinquents might need to survive.

The mechanic crawled out from under one of the panels, with bits of wire between her teeth and a screwdriver tucked behind her ear. Clarke was tempted to ask what exactly was Raven hoping to do with the tech but thought better of it—there wasn't time for that now. Instead, she waited patiently while Raven searched her pockets for the promised list. Clarke, Millers and another couple of kids were going out to a nearby bunker they recently discovered and Raven made them promise they’d bring back as many ‘toys’ for her as they could find, seeing how she was still recovering from the leg injury she sustained when she fell into a snare a couple of weeks ago.

And Clarke, as an engineer’s daughter with apparently more scientific knowledge than anyone they could spare at the moment, was in charge of the list. _Great_.

Finally, Raven found the scrap of paper she used to write it all down. Clarke smiled lightly, seeing the neat rows of letters and words. It wasn’t always easy for Raven to make that happen. She would always think much faster than she could write and she mostly ended up with a mess of unintelligible scribbles and abbreviations. It must’ve taken quite a bit of effort for Raven to keep it all so tidy.

Clearly, Raven was thinking the same thing because when she noticed Clarke’s expression, she grimaced and nodded her head.

“Happy birthday, hope you like your gift,” she said, handing the note over to Clarke, who froze for a moment, hand outstretched but nowhere near reaching for the paper.

She opened her mouth but no sound came out. Raven shook her head impatiently, grabbed Clarke’s wrist, shoved the paper into her hand and closed her fingers around it. She pulled the screwdriver out from behind her ear and tapped the side of one of the screens with it.

“It’s October 31st,” Raven informed her, but Clarke’s eyebrows just shot up.

“How did you even—?”

Raven cleared her throat. “Your, uhm, your mum was always monitoring your vitals, up on the Ark. Your birth date was there, too.” She looked at her feet for a moment and Clarke swallowed thickly.

It’s been months since they’d landed on the ground and almost just as long since they’d lost communications with the Ark. In her more optimistic moments, Clarke hoped that they managed to travel to the ground somehow. That maybe they miscalculated a little and landed on the west coast—or miscalculated _a lot_ and landed in Europe. But realistically, it was more than likely that the Ark had run out of air before they had the chance to do anything. It was one more thing on the long list of worries that kept Clarke up at night.

Sensing the tension, Raven came up to her friend and bumped her elbow against Clarke’s. “If you’d like, I can also tell you that you had elevated blood pressure and we can try and figure out who’s pissing you off the most,” Raven joked, trying to lighten the mood. Clarke smirked and chuckled, making Raven grin widely.

Clarke took a deep breath and shook her head, pocketing the note that she was still clutching tightly in her hand. “We’re leaving now,” she announced, walking towards the door. “Radio us if you need something,” she told Raven on her way out but the mechanic only grumbled something in response. She was already back to her project and completely checked out.

***

The scavenger trip was an amazing and unexpected success. Not only did they managed to pick up a whole lot from Raven’s list, Clarke had also found a magnificently stocked medicine cabinet that hadn’t been raided yet. Obviously, the drugs had expired ages ago but the bandages and instruments were all untouched and in perfect condition, which she considered a minor miracle. With nearly a hundred teenaged delinquents, one could never have too many needles and band-aids.

Miller walked in front of the group with a rifle on his shoulder, while Clarke, Fox and Connor followed closely behind him, carrying what they’d find. Clarke was so focused on planning another trip, so they could pick up the rest of the stuff they’d find, that she almost didn’t notice the noise reaching them, once they got closer to the camp. She paused when she finally heard the thumping and only a few steps further, she realised that it was music. Loud, fast and cheerful, unlike anything they’d heard in a while.

When they finally reached the gate, it became clear that it wasn’t just music—but the delinquents had actually organised a party. There were several bonfires lit up inside the camp, the kids were dancing, scream-singing to the music and circling the fires like they were moths attracted to the flame.

Clarke was speechless, watching her friends get crazier and drunker by the minute. When Raven limped her way to Clarke’s side, she greeted the mechanic with a cocked eyebrow.

“It’s technically not my fault,” Raven explained.

Clarke huffed. “Nothing good has ever followed such a sentence.”

Raven shot her a look but she couldn’t argue.

“I may have slipped—totally accidentally, I swear, that it’s your birthday. And Monty and Jasper might have mentioned that they had a whole now batch of moonshine and that it sounded like the perfect opportunity to test out their new recipe.” She rubbed the back of her neck and screwed up her face. “And granted, I did agree to let them use the speakers I’ve been working on but technically, _technically_ , the party was their idea.”

Clarke looked at her surprised. “You don’t have to explain that to me, I’m not gonna get mad that they’ve thrown a party.”

“You say that now, but give it an hour,” Raven warned. “You’re the first of the delinquents who turned 18 and _didn’t_ get floated. I think that the official plan is for all of them to raise a toast with you to celebrate that – separately.”

Clarke groaned, throwing her head back. Raven was chuckling at her side but it turned into a cackle very quickly when Roma and Bree came up to her, thrust a metal cup into Clarke’s hand and demanded they all raised a glass to freedom. Clarke nearly choked when she tasted the concoction but credit where credit is due, it didn’t taste as horribly as the previous batches. It would still probably strip her stomach lining, thought.

***

Clarke couldn’t tell how much time had passed since that first drink. It was already dark when they came back to camp and now everything was just darker—and fuzzier. But that was probably because she also had no idea how much she had to drink. It was somewhere between too much and alcohol poisoning, but still remained to be seen.

When her head started spinning worse than when they were falling from the sky in the Dropship, she stumbled away from the party and dropped heavily onto one of the benches they’d put around the camp. She could still hear the party and see them, when she focused on one point for long enough, but she suspected she wasn’t long for this world of consciousness.

Which was probably why she let herself be taken by surprise by Bellamy, who all of a sudden appeared at her side, sitting down next to her. Clarke jumped up with a tiny yelp, making Bellamy chuckle. She tried swatting at his arm but she miscalculated and her hand landed somewhere on his thigh. Bellamy took her hand and held it in his for a moment. Then, he squeezed it lightly and put it back into her lap. Clarke immediately felt the loss of his warmth. She wrapped her arms around herself and scooted closer to him with a small pout on her face, momentarily not caring that this the most contact she’d allowed herself with Bellamy in a long while.

If she were sober, she probably would’ve remembered that she was trying not to feed this ridiculous crush she developed on him, absolutely against her wishes. But oh, well.

They were touching shoulder to shoulder and Clarke smiled when she finally felt the warmth coming off of him. Bellamy was always so wonderfully warm and frim, and strong, he always made her feel safe and supported.

She felt his body vibrate with muffled laughter and she wondered if maybe she said that last part out loud. But she’ll never know, it was better not to ask.

Bellamy looked sideways at her, his face dangerously close to hers, but Clarke couldn’t convince herself to move, not when she could see that beautiful, warm, genuine smile dancing on his lips.

“You’re completely sauced, aren’t you, Princess?” he asked but Clarke didn’t bothered answering. There was no need, the fact the she was practically cuddled into his side was answer enough.

They stayed quiet for a while, just sitting there, watching the partying kids, but away from the crowd. When a gust of wind sent a shiver down her spine, she felt Bellamy shift, so that one of his arms went around her back, shielding her from the elements. Clarke blushed, thanking her lucky stars that they were sitting in a near complete darkness.

“So, how does it feel to be an adult?” he asked, quietly.

Clarke hugged herself even more tightly with her arms, head clearing up. Only this time it had nothing to do with the cold and everything to do with the fact that her father had now been gone for over a year, that she’d spent months upon months, slowly losing her mind in solitary and that in the end, all that was for naught because the Ark was now dead anyway.

And yet.

“You wanna know a crazy thing?” she asked, not looking at Bellamy. “I’ve spent so long pissed ant Jaha, at Wells, at everyone really. For taking my dad away, for choosing this whole ‘greater good’ bullshit over the lives of two people. And now, I—now, I think I get it.”

She sighed, loud. But Bellamy didn’t say anything. Clarke could feel his eyes on her but he stayed quiet, knowing that she wasn’t done yet. Just like he always knew.

“I mean, we had to make some tough choices, when we started building this place up, when we were deciding what kind of a place we wanted to run. And once upon a time, I would’ve thought I’d never make such choices. So, who am I to judge Jaha, or my mum, or anyone else for making the impossible choices they were forced to make,” she mused, looking down at her lap. Her vision clouded once again, only now it was because of the tears that came to her eyes. She let out a small sniffle. Bellamy moved his arm, encircling her shoulders and pulling her closer into his side.

“That was unexpectedly philosophical,” he murmured into the side of her head. Clarke smiled lightly, appreciating the attempt to lighten the mood.

Once again, they went quiet and just sat there, together, for a moment.

Until Bellamy sat up suddenly, took his arm away and started patting his jacket. “I almost forgot, I’ve got something for you,” he announced, pulling something out from one of the pockets. In the darkness, Clarke couldn’t see what it was, not until Bellamy dropped in into her lap. “Here,” he said and even in her drunken state, Clarke could tell he sounded a little _too_ casual.

Clarke picked up what looked like a small book. She ran her fingers over the cover and could feel that something was embossed into the thick material but the letters were long one. She was about to ask for the title, but when she opened the book, she realises that all the pages were empty. She looked up at Bellamy questioningly.

He cleared his throat and looked down at the book. Anywhere but her eyes, almost as if he was embarrassed.

“We found some old books in one of the bunkers. This one had almost all the print washed out, so I asked Lincoln about it and he helped to get rid of the rest of the text. There really wasn’t much of it left, anyway.” He inhaled deeply and when Clarke said nothing, he continued. “Anyway, you can use it as a notebook, or a sketchbook, I don’t know. I’ve been meaning to give it to you, feels like a good moment.”

Clarke watched him the whole time he spoke, saw how he still refused to meet her eye and felt her heart grow a size. When Bellamy finally looked up and they were again face to face, Clarke surged forward and places a soft, shy kiss on his cheek. 

She retreated just as quickly and for a split second, she thought this would be the perfect moment to run away and claim she wasn’t responsible for her actions later, but she stayed. They looked each other in the eye for a heartbeat, before Bellamy looked away. But he didn’t move. They were still impossibly close.

“So, yeah,” he muttered, making Clarke smile.

“You got me a birthday gift,” she teased. Bellamy knocked his elbow into her side but she just caught it and wrapped her arms around it, hugging his biceps. She looked up at him, still smiling. “Thank you,” she said and put her cheek on his shoulder.

She could feel his breath on the top of her head, a warm brush against her hair. And after a beat,

“You’re welcome, Princess.”

**Author's Note:**

> if anyone's wondering about the timeline, it's the one where i'm steadfastly ignoring canon, the Ark never came down, the delinquents made peace with the grounders and Bellamy is hopelessly smitten with his Princess.
> 
> i hope you liked this! thank you so very much for reading. comments and kudos will be welcomed like manna ;-)  
> come and find me on tumblr @[carrieeve](https://carrieeve.tumblr.com).


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